//Melki: I got a Ko-fi !!! （〜^∇^ )〜
It was one afternoon when I heard that my father had regained consciousness.
My father is a ducal nobleman, second in power only to the king.
And he’s a disgusting man who uses his position to line his own pockets without anyone knowing.
He unnecessarily collects taxes from the people and spends them, and his ugly and fat figure looks like a domestic animal.
When I realized that he was supporting Count Rhodriess, who was avenging the country, I even wanted to kill him.
He was the head of the Wersteins, who were renowned as knights who protected the country, but why would such a man be my father?
... My father was not the man I remembered him to be.
He used to be strong, noble, intelligent, shining brighter than anyone else.
I admired him and trained hard to become a knight.
But my father changed after my mother died.
In the beginning, even though I was a child, I desperately called out to him, wanting him to return to normal.
However, as time went by, that feeling became resignation and finally disgust.
My voice never reached my father.
A month ago, when I heard that my father had fallen ill, I thought that he would be happy to finally be with my mother.
It seemed that my father had failed to die.
I am technically his son, and I hadn't even visited him once in this month, so I decided that I should at least show him my face, and headed to the mansion as soon as I finished my work for the Knights Order.
When I arrived at the mansion, I suddenly felt that the atmosphere was different from usual.
But I didn't know what was different.
I didn't pay much attention to it at the time and asked Alfred, my father's butler, to arrange a meeting with my father.
He led me to his study.
I wondered what that dark and foolish man was doing in his study.
That was the only time I could think like that.
The door opened, and there he was, the slightly aged figure of the father I longed for in my memories.
He was not the ugly, fleshly, flaccid figure that aroused my disgust.
Rather, his appearance was so refined that it was hard to imagine that he had ever looked like that.
He was wearing a nobleman's uniform with a calm indigo color as its base, and his bluish silver hair was slicked back.
I have no way of knowing what happened to him in the past month, as I never visited him, but there he was, indeed, my father, the man I had set my sights on when I was a child.
“Father..."
"Michaelis, huh?”
I called out in a daze, and his voice brought me back to reality.
I don’t know what on earth I’m amazed at, only the appearance has changed. I don’t know whether he is as intelligent as back then.
"I'm back.”
“I see.”
I realized that my heart was beating at a rapid pace, probably from nervousness.
I struggled to hide my agitation at my father's quiet demeanor in front of me.
“First of all, I would like to congratulate you on your recovery."
"I see.”
That was it.
That was it, and yet I felt like I was being crushed by the pressure.
Normally, I would have been bombarded with ridiculous and annoying sarcasm, to which I would have answered with reluctance.
...... Ai! How atrophied I am being!
“...... Father.”
“What?"
When I called out to him, his icy blue eyes stared back at me.
I'm about to relive my childhood all over again, and I desperately try to bring my mind back to reality.
I can't.
No matter how much he regains his old appearance, that thing is still that dark and foolish man.
"Don't you have anything to say to me?”
I stared at him and asked him.
Then, that man, who would normally respond with abusive words and sarcasm, contrary to my expectations calmly opened his mouth.
“......... Hmm, what do you have to say?”
He looked down at me quietly, crossed his arms and urged me to go on.
It was a different, nostalgic sound.
But don't be fooled.
I'm the one who will be disappointed if I believe you.
Desperately, I called out to myself and stared at the man in front of me.
"... I'm referring to the support given to Count Rhodriess.”
I told him crisply.
“... I thought you were going to devote yourself to the (Knights) Order?”
Usually here I would get something like what does it matter to you bastard or the like, and don’t stick your nose in things, which had become the daily, however what came back were only those quiet words.
"Well... I wouldn't be saying this if my father hadn't provided support to those instigating against the country."
“I see”
My father was not offended by my words, but simply nodded his head as if he was somewhat satisfied.
...... What is this change all about?
I can't read him. I don't understand the depths of this person's mind.
“What the hell do you mean to do?”
“Michaelis.”
As I was about to yell in a loud voice, the man in front of me urged me to calm down by calling my name.
… Like this it's the opposite of usual.
"...... What is it?”
I return with these words in resentment.
So the man in front of me opens his mouth calmly and somewhat suspiciously.
“What are you talking about, at this point?”
I was so shocked that I thought I had been hit on the head.
It's too late.
Yes, indeed, after all these years.
I've been bitter about it before.
This was the second time I had complained about the Count.
But what else had I done until now?
I did not do anything.
I did nothing.
I didn't even try.
When I realized this, the emotions that hit me were frustration and sadness.
I also realized a fact that I didn't want to realize.
I hadn't given up.
I was running away.
I knew that my father had changed, and that my voice could not reach him, but I did not want to admit it.
I justified myself by hating my father, and indulged myself.
I was unaware of it until he pointed it out to me.
I was angry at my own immaturity, and even disappointment hit me.
... But if it's not too late...
“I know I have no right to say this, as I’ve been neglecting home and only focusing on the knights. …… But…!”
I clenched my fist hard and managed to reel back my emotions and continue.
“I'll have you tell me today! Why did you do what you did?!”
I want to know.
I want to know the depths of this man's, my father's, intentions.
As I stared at the man in front of me, I noticed that he was quietly staring back at me.
I don't know how long I've been doing this, but this brief moment felt like an eternity.
Suddenly, the man opened his mouth.
"Hmm, there was no meaning in paying attention to that small fry.”
“Wha...!"
The words were so unexpected that my mind was filled with confusion.
What the hell is going on? Are you saying that everything was calculated?
But that's not possible, then what the hell was that foolish father of mine up until now?
While I was desperately trying to suppress my confusion, my father suddenly gave a small laugh.
“... No, I suppose it had a meaning, huh?”
The expression on his face seemed to be somewhat sad.
“... Father?”
At my call, my father's gaze, which had been slightly averted, returned to me.
"Michaelis, what kind of mother was Julia to you?”
“... What is it so suddenly?”
I wondered why he was suddenly talking about my deceased mother.
When I looked at my father's expression with suspicion, he laughed.
“To me, she was the sun, she was everything.”
My father smiled, sadly and nostalgically.
"I didn't care about my country. I didn't care if I had to leave everything behind.”
It made me understand that those words were the reason for everything.
“…It can’t be you did all of this only for the sake-”
My father loved my mother that much?
And that's why he was doing everything he could to turn the country against her?
"I was just desperate, that's all."
My father laughed as if mocking himself.
My father had changed since my mother died.
This was a well-known fact. And that father loved mother was also well-known.
But that means that he loved my mother so much that he couldn't accept the sad reality, and as a result, he just became like that.
Every day, my father struggled with unimaginable grief.
I didn't even try to understand him.
"... Let me ask you again, what kind of mother was she to you?”
He asked again, and my heart ached.
I had never met a woman that I could consider my whole self, nor have I ever been in love.
I could hardly understand my father's feelings, but I remembered seeing them happy together every day.
“It was around the time I was developing my mind,… I don’t have much memory. …
But she was kind to everyone, intelligent... She was the perfect duchess. I thought she was a beautiful person, like a model of a mother."
The image of my mother smiling adorably and my father's cold face relaxing comfortably at the sight of her passed through my mind.
I loved to see them together.
I used to tell my maids and nannies that one day I would become like my father and take a woman like my mother as my wife.
Ah, maybe I had just been sulking all along.
After my mother died, my father barely looked at me, if at all.
I was sad about my mother's death, but the sight of my father must have felt like a blow to me as a child.
Therefore, I think I protected my heart by hating my father as a child.
"Oh... I see.”
My father muttered as if he was satisfied with my words.
He muttered as if he understood my words, and then laughed, looking very sad.
“I was trying to destroy everything she loved.”
Ah, this man is no longer that dark and foolish man.
“I’m sure it’ll never be forgiven”
He is the father I longed for, the man I followed.
“Father..."
I almost cried at the sight of my father's sad smile.
With my call, father’s gaze which had turned away looked at me again
"Michaelis, you're free now”
"What do you mean?”
The quiet words father said.
I didn't understand the true meaning behind them and so confusedly wrinkled my eyebrows.
"I have become a wise man, and therefore you no longer have to take over the family.
... But if you want to take over, I'll be happy to step down.”
”Wha…!"
As soon as I understood my father's words, I was at a loss.
My father, this man, what on earth is he saying?
”Everything is your choice”
My father's words were spoken with a look of resignation on his face.
As soon as he said that, the blood rushed to my head.
"Please don't say such selfish things!”
Selfish.
This man is really selfish!
"You destroyed it yourself, made a mess of it, now you want to leave it to me and throw it away again?”
Are you saying you're going to give up everything and go into hiding?
Don't be silly, I won't let you do that.
"...... The people will never forgive me.”
“What does that matter for?”
“Michaelis"
My father calls out my name with a somewhat annoyed expression on his face.
It will certainly not be easy to regain the trust of the people.
But.
"The man I admired, chased, and watched when I was little wasn’t so small!”
Honorable, upright, nobler than anyone else, and a proud father.
"...... But I know you resent me, too.”
"Yes! I resented, hated and despised you! But that's not who you are now, father!”
You're not the same man you were a month ago, how can I hate my father, who has regained himself.
"......... Are you serious?”
“I'm serious!”
While staring at my father as if glaring, I pray that he knows I'm serious.
Then my father stares at me and opens his mouth quietly again.
“You never know when things will go wrong again.”
... In the past twelve years, I have come to understand that my father is not a perfect person.
And yet, after all these years, he still cares for me.
He said that he didn't want to cause any more trouble to his son, even though he was fighting against the fear that he might go back to the way he was.
I felt a warmth deep in my heart at the thought of my father's feelings.
"Then I will support you, because I've been working hard for it since I was little!”
I clenched my fist tightly and pressed it against my chest as I looked at my father.
“Whenever you take a wrong turn, I, your son, will stop you this time! I'm no longer a helpless child, father!"
When I said this, my father looked a little surprised, and then smiled a little as if troubled.